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By Jan Grossman, Esq.
You’ve been the perfect spouse. You’ve been faithful, devoted, hardworking and family-oriented. You’ve never cursed, lost your temper, or even complained about your in-laws. You’ve given your partner 2.4 sexual experiences per week (some longer than others). You’ve been patient, tolerant and forgiving. You worked two jobs to keep the family afloat, never spending a penny on yourself. When your spouse got sick, you were fully supportive. You forgave infidelity, tolerated verbal abuse and long nights of stony silence while your partner sulked for weeks at a time. You bravely stayed together for the sake of the kids. Now a divorce it has hand.
Your spouse, on the other hand was a lazy, stay-at-home, hypochondriac who refused to work and help out financially. They spent their days on Facebook, Plenty o Fish, and Tinder, trolling for affairs. When your partner wasn’t high on box wine, they were having 4.5 sexual episodes per week (but not with you). They maxed out your credit cards on their own personal stuff. They weren’t too sick to go to Parx Casino and lose whatever family savings on slot machines. They were a fully absentee parent, but took all the credit for your kids turning out okay. When you got sick, they were “too sick” to help you out. But they were not too sick to run out for lottery tickets and cigarettes. They don’t want a divorce because they “still love you (as their meal ticket).” But if you threaten divorce, they promise “to take you for every penny that you have.”
Will the Court reward economically for being a saintly spouse? ABSOLUTELY NOT! Division of property in a divorce is not fault based. By Pennsylvania Law, a Court may not look into rewarding you and punishing your spouse for marital behavior. You may actually end up the one being “punished” with less of the marital property because you have income, a skilled job and an employable future. Your “poor” spouse can actually demand most of the marital property because they have no skills, job prospects or lack of work history. And, to make matters worse for you and better for them, they have a note from their family doctor stating that they suffer from “that horrible and incurable fibro neuralgia” which doesn’t allow them physically participate in any gainful activity (except sitting at the slots for hours at a time).
But, you say, “THIS ISN’T FAIR!” Perhaps it isn’t morally fair, but according to Pennsylvania Law, it’s economically fair. The courts cannot and will not spend one second of their valuable time looking back in marital history to figure out who was at fault. If they did, they would never have time for any other business. Besides, it was YOU who made the decision to stay in the bad marriage and tolerate your dysfunctional spouse for 20 years. The longer you stayed married, the worse your economic position. Remember, it was you who went to the pharmacy to pick up their fibro neuralgia pain meds. It was you slept in the same bed with your spouse after they spent a night of gambling and drinking, and losing the family savings. It was you who took them back after each affair.
The moral of this story is that if you are in a bad marriage, NOW is the time to consider separation. The less time you enable your problem spouse, the less economic rights they have. The less you will be legally responsible for their future.
At WE CARE LEGAL SERVICES, 1 855-LAW-FAMILY, we handle difficult divorces every day. Our goal is to assist our clients to obtain the brightest possible economic future, while assisting them in dealing with the stresses and emotions of separation.
