WE CARE LEGAL SERVICES
(1-855-LAW-FAMILY)
Available 24/7 for Divorce, Child Custody, Support, Protection From Abuse, and Adoption Assistance.
www.WeCareLegalPa.com.
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By Jan Grossman, Esq.
As a family lawyer and child psychologist, I am horrified by this video’s perfect storm parental mistakes at what was supposed to be a “safe” custody exchange in the parking lot of a police station. This is real! In our child custody practice, we experience incidents like this on a regular basis. Because we are available 24/7, our clients actually call us in real time as the terrible child exchange is taking place.
If you have the strength to watch until the end, follow along as I describe the psychological damage inflicted on these precious two year old twin boys, as Father attempts to return them to Mother.
1. Real hostility being expressed openly between parents creating tremendous anxiety and panic which no child, at any age, should ever have to deal with.
2. The panic is heightened when Mother will not let the little guys escape and uses the children as human barriers to trap Father’s car.
3. When the boys try to bind their anxiety by playing with toy cars, this escape is removed by Father to protect his car from damage.
4. Recurring fear is created about normal situations such as getting a haircut, being with Mommy and Daddy, and custody exchanges.
5. In the midst of this fear, when the boys cannot escape and start crying, Father gives the boys what he wishes to be reassuring affection. But this well-meaning affection in the midst of double, triple and quadruple mixed emotional messages that even a grown adult couldn’t handle, overwhelms these little kids.
6. In the petty, vindictive fight over who’s allowed to give them haircuts, the boys learn that they are no more than property, with body parts to be fought over. (In Pennsylvania, Father would be probably be legally in the right, but possibly strategically wrong in the eyes of a judge.)
7. Even though the boys don’t yet understand the adult verbal battles around previous marital infidelity issues, the lack of the parents ability to self-censor when around the children, predicts that at future exchanges, their parents sexual lives and scandals will be learned before the boys learn colors, shapes and numbers.
8. Children learn respect for interpersonal boundaries from watching their parents interact. These children are learning that there are no personal boundaries worth respecting, especially if you are angry. Hostility equals “in your face” behavior.
9. These kids are learning that it’s okay to escalate to physical violence (or, in this case, faked physical violence), as a preferred method of dispute resolution. These little boys’ play (and play therapy) will be repetitive fights between toys and dolls until the violence becomes ingrained, acceptable, and a personal way of life.
10. Finally, at this crucial age, these little impressionable guys are learning how women treat men and men treat women. First they will imitate this vindictive behavior, then, they will own it in their own heterosexual relationships.
At WE CARE LEGAL SERVICES 1-855-LAW-FAMILY, we educate our child custody clients about peacefully handling custody exchanges, along with all of the other custody issues that arise around litigation. We do not want our client’s to inadvertently upset their children and we won’t stand for the other side of a custody dispute acting out on children. We really do care.
