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By Jan Grossman, Esq.
As a divorce and custody attorney and couples counselor, I’ve seen more than my share of dysfunctional marriages…..so many, that maybe I have become a bit cynical. It seems like 90% of couples’ You Tube videos are about disagreeing couples, doing disagreeable things to each other. But, videos remind us of the joys of a positive couples’ relationship. Consider taking this quick, totally unscientific test I put together from our divorce practice to gauge what’s going on in your marriage. No test can truly define your personal relationship, but this result may give you some things to consider.
On a scale of 1 to 5, with five being the best, rate these aspects of your marriage:
1. Positive communication for at least a half hour a day with the TV and all electronic devices turned off and away from the kids
2. A happy, mutually-satisfying sexual relationship.
3. Actively shared interests and hobbies.
4. A mutually-enjoyed social life outside of the marriage with relatives or shared friends.
5. Mutually developed goals for the future; five, ten, twenty years down the road.
Now, take the score and multiply by zero if there is active infidelity, spouse abuse and/or addiction in one or both members of the couple. Under those conditions, I assert that a truly positive, healthy, intimate relationship is impossible to maintain. A score of zero probably means relational unhappiness, discontent or sadness; ten or lower, typical couple needs are not being met; ten to twenty, good days and bad days, with not all marital expectations being met.
I would say that any score over 20 means that means reasonably happy and that’s a very good thing.
At WE CARE LEGAL SERVICES, 1-855-LAW-FAMILY 24/7, we sincerely hope that marital issues never bring our readers to our office doors and that love, mutual respect, and true intimacy are the hallmarks of our readers’ lives